Victoria's Secret... To The Rules

So over coffee one day, I brought up the topic of rules that I followed when I was single and dating. To my surprise, not all of them were met with laughter - in fact, I actually received a few head nods. I thought I would share some of them, warts and all...

Never accept a date with less than 48 hours notice
When I was growing up, my mama would pull me aside and tell me that to pique a man's interest, I was never to accept a date with less than 48 hours notice - even if I was free - and I was never to volunteer a time when I would be free, just to say that I already had plans. She said that this would make the man wonder "why is she busy, and who is she busy with?". I wish I could say that this antiquated advice would prevent a second request for a date, but to be honest IT WORKED! The guys I dated learned that I would not jump at the chance to spend time with them, that if they wanted to spend time with me they would have to work for it.

Never accept "Maybe" dates
His question: "Do you maybe want to get together this weekend to do something?"
My answer: "No"
His question: "Do you want to get together this Sunday for brunch at Restaurant X?"
My answer: "Yes"
"Maybe" dates are too gray and I refuse to wait by the phone wondering if he is going to call so we can "maybe" meet up. It is also a way for the guy to weazel an excuse out of why he didn't meet me ("It wasn't set in stone, I said maybe..."). "Maybe" dates also prevent me from dressing properly for the date.

Rudeness is NEVER acceptable
If the guy is rude to the servers for no reason, I have actually ended the date and walked out. There is no excuse to be rude to someone. Trust me - I am NOT impressed. And no, I don't care who you are...

Don't be a bad tipper
In my experience, guys who are bad tippers are usually bad in bed.

Chivalry is not dead
If you are walking up to a doorway, the guy should make a quick step ahead of you and open the door. If he picks you up in his car, the guy should hold the door open for you to get in. If the guy drove and it is raining, he should offer to bring the car around to the entrance. If you are walking along the street, the guys should walk between you and the road. These small gestures don't cost a red cent, and impresses me more than fancy restaurants or flowers.

Sweet Chariot
If a guy picks me up, and his car is a filthy mess inside, he does not get a second date with me. I don't want to be forced to push aside old newspapers to find a spot on the seat or kick aside (hopefully) empty drink cups. Besides, you had 48 hours notice for our date, you had time to clean the car...

Whoever asks, pays
Sorry Girls, if you ask the guy for coffee/ drinks/ dinner - you pay. However, the invitee should still make the move to reach for the check or offer to pay.

First date, seperate vehicles
On a first date, I have never had the guy pick me up at my place. 1) I don't know you , you think I am going to give you my home address? 2) If the date is going very badly, I don't have to sit through a very uncomfortable ride home and the awkward "thanks for the date, but I am not inviting you upstairs for coffee" conversation . 3) If the date is going well, this keeps the PDA under control - if he wants more than a smooch on the cheek goodnight, he'll have to make a second date... with 48 hours notice.

So here are a few of my rules, for better or worse. Stay tuned for more....


Victoria

Bad Mom Advice #1

I have been having some issues with a female colleague - she has "forgotten" to invite me to meetings, "forgot" to include me in correspondence, "forgot" to get me involved in project documentation (as I have worked on similar projects and know the "lessons learned"). Out of frustration, I spoke to my mom and asked what I should do.

"Victoria" my mom said. "Just ignore her - she is obviously just jealous of you. Just put your head to the grindstone and continue to work hard. Hard work will always get rewarded and she will repect you for your work ethic..."

So believing that my mom knew best, I chalked up the non-invitations, silent treatment, and general lack of involvement as an oversight and kept working my a$$ off. Because "good things happen to good people", right?

WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! (deep breath) WRONG!

This back stabbing harpy stole all my ideas and hard work, passed them off as her own, received accolades from top executives, and I got lectured about "getting my act together and start buckling down".

Lessons I learned:
1) sh*tty things happen to good people
2) hard work doesn't get rewarded - stealing other people's work does
3) ignoring things doesn't make them go away - it just makes for more opportunities to get screwed, and not in the "hey, there's Hugh Jackman and he's walking over to me while simultaneously peeling the shirt off his magnificant chest" kind of way
4) always make sure that your floor has a work elevator - it is the PERFECT place to duck into when you need to scream obscenities at the top of your lungs and kick the crap out of cardboard boxes

I wish I lived in early-Melrose Place era: I would stomp up to my enemy with my short skirt and smart blazer, seethe "you BITCH!" from my perfectly pouty lips, throw them into the pool, and then sleep/ marry their brother/ father/ ex-husband/ son and get my revenge....

First date, a pint of beer... and a prenup???

Ok Everyone - let me know if I can check the "weird" box next to this one...

What do you think of a guy who after two dates and a couple of smooches, brings up the wonderful - and not at all awkward - topic of prenuptual agreements? Seriously, what do you say to a guy like that?

1) "um, did you propose marriage to me? Because the hockey game was on and I might not have heard you between goals..."
2) "of course I support prenups - infact, let me prove to you that I am not a Gold Diggin' Chippy and PLEASE allow me to buy the next round of drinks..."
3) "will you excuse me? I have to go to the ladies room with my jacket and purse..."

Sorry Zoë, me thinks that this farmer is looking for a wife and checkng you out to see if you have good birthing hips while keeping your mitts off his moolah...

One word: NEXT!

Introductions...

Hello Everyone!

Before I start my ranting and raving and putting my 2 cents in on everything under the sun, I wanted to introduce myself...

My name is Victoria and I am a West Coast girl at heart. I grew up in a conflicting family environment - I was encouraged to go to University and "bring home the bacon" but I was also told that my role was to find a husband and be the perfect homemaker.

If I had to describe myself in 30 words or less, I would say I was "Angelina Jolie trapped in Snow White's body - a true extrovert trapped in an introvert body". I am a Sociology major with a minor in Psychology and Criminology, and I spent alot of time watching and studying people's behaviour in different social situations.

I had a pretty rebellious teen years ("hellooo, I'm with the band...") and early University years (I am censoring this part, at least for now...) before calming down and finding (and marrying) the man I adore - but not before kissing A LOT of frogs and shedding a lot of tears. Looking back, I realized I should have followed my own "rules" instead of listening to others (sorry, Mom...).

One reason I am starting this blog is because I wanted to mix the advice that loved ones give us and shed some "truth" on them but with alittle humor and understanding. I asked my friend Zoë to start this blog with me - she is the radical to my conservatism, the light-heartedness to my seriousness, the fun singleton to my smug-married, the flighty to my both-feet-on-the-ground.

I hope you enjoy our rants and remember: We told you so... :)


***

Cheers my lovelies!

Zoë here, the singleton to my smug-married friend Victoria. She's a doll, I just adore her. Too bad she's married. ;)

Victoria and I are very much opposites in many ways - I'm an East coast city girl and she's West coast. I'm Uptown, she's Downtown. I'm often in flats while she's in heels. She'll wear a turtleneck while I'll wear a black bra under my white blouse. We certainly make quite a pair. You should see the confused looks we get when we make our routine stops at Starbucks.

I was a Nerdy Nancy when I was a kid, brought up by my Welsh parents who kept my nose to the grindstone. Straight A's were everything to them and I was scared shitless to rebel until I was in College - when I met Ryan who introduced me to the lovely Fetish cultures of the world. Today I'm a sex therapist by day and a Burlesque dancer by night. (My lucky audiences know me as Cerise.)

When Victoria proposed this blog idea, I thought it was genious. (She is as breathtaking as she is intelligent by the way.) We both have such different perspectives on all topics, undoubtedly from our different backgrounds and paths taken in life, that I'm positive we will teach you quite a few things, and hopefully have you consider events from different perspectives.

Feel free to email us any questions at HonestChix@gmail.com or comment on our posts.

xox

testy test test test

*Taps Mic*

Is this thing on?